Karma Houdini Begone
by Ghostkaiba297
Summary: A host of Karma Houdinis - Honest John, Gideon, Stromboli, Coachman, Niska, Lao Che, Tiger Lucy, Kemo, Bandit Keith, and the French guys from Monty Python - finally get their comeuppance when the Trickster traps them and forces them to eat each other.
1. Stranded

**Karma Houdini Begone**

**WARNING: **Contains violence and cannibalism.

**Chapter 1: Stranded**

Honest John woke up. He had had a wonderful day. He had tricked two kids into Pleasure Island and another furry, an anthromoporphic fox like him, into entering a cave full of poisonous gas. Best of all, he hadn't seen that wooden boy Pinocchio ever since the trip to Pleasure Island, and was sure he was a donkey working for the evil coachman in the salt mines.

It was only after Honest John stood up that he realized he was not in the village. He was on an island. And he had no idea where he was.

All around, he could see other people waking up at the same time, most beginning to panic. He recognized his partner Gideon, the mute humanoid cat. He also recognized Stromboli, the puppet master whom he had once sent Pinocchio to, and the evil coachman in charge of Pleasure Island.

He didn't recognize a Chinese gangster with a beard, an old man with glasses who spoke with an accent, a big man with pointy hair, a black suit, and sunglasses, another man with sunglasses and an American flag on his head, a woman with purple hair and a black cat, and several men in armor who immediately began yelling insults to whoever kidnapped them. The insults were more vulgar than anything Honest John had ever heard.

"Where am I?" said Honest John.

"I bet it was some English type that put us here!" said one of the armored men. He spoke with a French accent.

"This isn't Pleasure Island!" said the evil coachman. "Where are all my donkeys?"

"What is going on?" said the old man with the Eastern European accent.

"I just got here like you," said Stromboli. "I was counting some money I got in a puppet show, and next thing I knew I wake up here."

"I was selling a diamond that some merchant traded to me, before I hear something and then wake up here," said the Chinese man.

"Some merchant?" said the old man. "You can't fool me. You're a crime boss, just like I am. I can tell. I am Adelei Niska."

"I've never heard of you," said the Chinese man. "I am Lao Che. If you must know, I got the diamond from this guy that I poisoned, but he got the antidote. He ran off with my girl and I was about to find another. They're dead now, because I had my men crash the plane with them in it."

"I am Honest John," said Honest John. "I trick people into going to evil places. Like these two fellows here." He pointed at Stromboli and the coachman. "Oh, and this is my partner, Gideon. We fell asleep after a good day of tricking people to horrible fate, and then we woke up here."

"I am Stromboli," said Stromboli. "I am a puppet master and I once had this wooden puppet that I was going to make a lot of money off of, and chop into firewood when he was too old. But on the night after the very first appearance, he was gone."

"That was the same wooden puppet on my island," said the evil coachman. "I run an island where kids can have fun. There's even a place where you can be bad, cause destruction, break windows. Of course, I've put a curse on the island that turns them into donkeys so I can put them to work in the salt mines. I was just walking home from a session of imprisoning those who could still talk, when suddenly all went black, and I woke up here."

"I was just back from visiting my boss in the hospital," said the woman. "My name is Tiger Lucy. I'm a thief. I used to work for a man named Ramone De La Porta. But his other three henchmen ended up imprisoned on Kong Island for the rest of their lives, and Ramone got his life force sucked out by an evil demon. It was returned to him when the demon was destroyed, but it was broken. I overheard Jason talking about it. He's in a permanent state of shock and the doctors say he will never recover."

"I am Kemo," said the big man with the sunglasses. "I used to work for a man named Maximillion Pegasus. He vanished one day because he received a serious illness. So I worked for a board of executives in an attempt to bring down his enemy, Seto Kaiba. But Kaiba escaped and trapped the Big Five in another dimension. I tried to rescue them but Kaiba beat me up. As I was thinking of a way to get my revenge, everything went dark, and I woke up here."

"I'm Bandit Keith, the intercontinental champion!" said the man with the flag on his head. "I just got away from a ghost who was trying to possess me. I never saw him again. I was seeking a way to cheat and make my comeback in Battle City, a tournament hosted by Kaiba, when suddenly it all goes black, and then I wake up on this stupid island."

"What about you?" said Niska to the French people.

"We were drinking from the Holy Grail," said the French man with the mustache. "We were drinking eternal life to the arrest of a stupid English type king who was working for God."

"He's probably being fed rats in that prison cell!" said another French man.

"Yes," said the first French man. "His mother was a hamster and his father smelled of elder berries. And God is a big fat maggot filled pig to be affiliated with English type like him."

All the French men began sticking out their tongues.

"Shoot him," said Lao Che.

"No!" said the evil coachman. "We may need them! We have to know why we're here and what took us here!"

"It was that ghost! I know it was!" said Keith.

"The only ghost I know of is dead," said Kemo. "I saw him die. The Pharaoh killed him."

Tiger Lucy stroked her cat's head. "Then I wonder what could have brought us here? Kong couldn't do this, and he is the only supernatural force left aside from my Cyber Link. I overheard Jason talking about it. He said all the other forces were gone. Onimous, Harpy, Chiros…"

None of the others knew who these three demons were.

"Only supernatural force left?" said the evil coachman. "What about the curse I set on Pleasure Island?"

"Fair enough," said Tiger Lucy. "Are you going to tell me that curse sent us all here?"

"Maybe there's something we don't know about yet," said Honest John.

"I've heard talk of items like the Holy Grail," said Lao Che. "I've heard talk of the Ark of the Covenant. Dr. Jones mentioned it once. But I've never seen any talking foxes before."

"Yes, well, I haven't seen that type of hat before," said Honest John to Bandit Keith.

"It's an American flag," said Bandit Keith.

(AN: My instinct is to make Kemo and Bandit Keith like they are on the Abridged Series, Kemo talking about his hair and Bandit Keith always talking about America, but I want them to be accurate to the original anime this story)

"America was a long time ago," said Niska. "Now there is an entire system of planets run by a government called the Alliance."

"What are you talking about?" said Lao Che.

"I've never heard of any Alliance," said Stromboli.

"We found the castle so we should rule the universe!" said the French man, and he began yelling out vulgar insults toward the Alliance.

"What if we're all from a different dimension?" said Tiger Lucy.

"I've seen Bandit Keith at Duelist Kingdom," said Kemo.

"Gideon and I know Stromboli and the coachman," said Honest John.

"I'm guessing the French people all come from the same world," said Lao Che.

"Those French people look like they could be from medieval days," said Tiger Lucy. "I come from a modern world. Niska sounds like he could be from a futuristic universe. But I've never seen any humanoid animals except those merged by the Cyber Link, and those are usually a lot bigger than you two." She looked toward Honest John and Gideon. "I don't know anything about Lao Che, Kemo, or Bandit Keith, but I think they must each be from different universes."

"Very perceptive," came a voice.

* * *

><p>AN: This story is about karma houdinis that have disappointed me they do not have a final fate. Honest John, Gideon, Stomboli, and the coachman are all from Pinocchio the Disney film. Bandit Keith and Kemo are from Yu-Gi-Oh! Niska is from Firefly. Lao Che is from Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom. Tiger Lucy is from the animated series Kong. And the French people are from Monty Python and the Holy Grail.<p> 


	2. Karma Houdinis

**Karma Houdini Begone**

**Chapter 2: Karma Houdinis**

Everyone looked over to see a man with brown hair.

"Who are you?" said Niska.

"Are you the one who put us here?" said the evil coachman.

"I'm the Trickster," said the man. "You all have one thing in common. You never got what was coming to you. Honest John, Gideon, Stromboli, Coachman, you all tried to trick or hurt Pinnochio and got away with it. I come from a universe in which your adventures are in what is called a Disney movie. Disney villains usually get defeated. Most often they fall to their death. But you four were last seen walking away and were never seen again."

"You're nuts!" said Stromboli.

"Lao Che!" said the Trickster. "You want to know why Indiana Jones never returned? He escaped the plane crash, but got caught in the middle of a battle with a cult."

Lao Che could not believe his plan had failed.

"Niska, every other enemy of Malcolm Reynolds has been defeated one way or another. I checked into the future of your universe. Mal never finds you. The Parliament hunts down Mal for revenge and challenge him to a duel. But Mal, Zoe, and Jayne shoot them all and less shady people become the new Alliance."

"What sort of creature are you?" said Niska.

"As you pointed out, Tiger Lucy," said the Trickster, "De La Porta's spirit has been broken, Omar, Giggles, and Frazetti are imprisoned on Kong Island, and the demons are dead. And of course you're way too good at your job to be arrested."

Tiger Lucy hissed at the Trickster.

"Kemo, Bandit Keith, you don't turn good or end up in the Shadow Realm. The Big Five end up dead. They get trapped in the virtual world and it gets blown to kingdom come. Weevil and Rex take a beating from what Bakura and Zorc do, until Bakura and Zorc get gancked by the Pharaoh."

Kemo punched Bandit Keith in the face for no reason.

"And French people," said the Trickster. "Well, everything you've said and everything these people have heard from you speaks for itself. If King Arthur hadn't killed that famous historian, he'd have killed you all. Instead, you got to become immortal with the Holy Grail."

"WHAT DO YOU WANT?" said Niska.

"I want you to stay here for months," said the Trickster.

"But there's no food on this island!" said Stromboli.

"There is too," said the Trickster. He snapped his fingers, and a pile of cooking gear, machetes, harpoons, frying pans, firewood, firemaking tools, ovens with stoves, and guns appeared.

"For hunting and cooking," said the Trickster. "I'm sure you can find something to eat. I'll see you around in 39 days." And he disappeared.

"What the heck was that?" said the evil coachman.

"Let's hunt," said Honest John.


	3. Hunting

**Karma Houdini Begone**

**Chapter 3: Hunting**

Two days went by. No one could find anything. They began to get hungry. There was nothing to hunt.

Kemo and the evil coachman dove into the water to fish. But there were no fish in the water, except for one.

"Piranhas!" said the evil coachman. He and Kemo had been bitten several times.

"They're mostly scales and bones," said Lao Che.

"Well let's eat the bones!" said the French man.

"We'd only choke," said Lao Che.

"I couldn't eat them even if I was merged with the cat," said Tiger Lucy.

"Can you see any birds up there?" said Honest John to Bandit Keith, who was looking through a super scope.

"There aren't any birds in the sky," said Keith.

"Everything was in order!" said Stromboli. "How did I get here?"

One of the French people was trying to work the gun. He found the trigger and pulled it. Gideon's tail was shot off. Niska and the evil coachman jumped. Two of the French people ran over to Gideon's tail and began eating it.

"Of course!" said Niska. "All the cooking tools but nothing to hunt. He wants us to eat each other!"

"That's cannibalism!" said Keith.

"We've eaten people before!" said the French man. "Mostly English type!"

"Why does that not surprise me?" said Tiger Lucy.

"Let's get in a huddle," said Honest John. "Without the French."

They all huddled together while the French people spat out inconsistent babble. Eventually they seemed to come to an agreement.

"I'll pick the first victim," said Tiger Lucy. She pressed a button on a Cyber Link device on her ear, and merged with her cat to transform into a giant humanoid cat. Gideon's eyes turned into hearts. Tiger Lucy jumped on the French man with the mustache and began to tear him apart and eat him.

As the other French people looked on in horror for the first time, Honest John, Gideon, Stromboli, the coachman, Niska, Lao Che, Kemo, and Keith grabbed guns and shot the French people. Halfway through Niska dropped his gun and grabbed a machete and decapitated one of the men.

Once all the French people were dead, everyone roasted them over an open fire and ate them. Tiger Lucy ate another of the French people before separating from the cat.

They got too greedy and ate them all in one night. Then they realized their entire supply of food was gone and they'd have to eat more of each other.

Six days and six nights went by. One night was particularly stormy. On the seventh night, Lao Che and Bandit Keith quietly bound and gagged Gideon, dragged him outside, decapitated him, baked him in the oven, and ate him.

"Who ate Gideon?" demanded Honest John next morning. His bones were found outside the cave.

"I knew we should've buried the bones," Keith whispered to Lao Che.

"Tiger Lucy's cat is an orangutan," said Lao Che. "It ate Gideon. This is supposed to be about cannibalism, after all, isn't it?"

"Let's eat the cat!" said Stromboli.

"Oh no you don't!" said Tiger Lucy. She clicked her Cyber Link and merged with her cat to turn into the humanoid cat again. Her tail lashed out and whipped Stromboli in the face. Stromboli fell to the ground with a howl of pain. Tiger Lucy pounced and gobbled Stromboli down. She separated after he was nothing but bones.

"Now we don't get anything to eat!" complained the evil coachman.

"Yes we do," said Bandit Keith. He raised a pistol and shot Kemo in the head.

Kemo's body was roasted over a spit fire, and Honest John, Niska, Lao Che, the evil coachman, and Tiger Lucy had a big feast that night, as Kemo was one of the biggest people there.


	4. Reward

**Karma Houdini Begone**

**Chapter 4: Reward**

Five more days went by. Honest John, the evil coachman, Niska, Lao Che, Tiger Lucy, and Bandit Keith wanted to put off the next meal for as long as possible, since they didn't know when it was going to end, and there were only six left, seven counting Tiger Lucy's cat.

On the fourth day, Niska suggested that they cut off Honest John's tail. Honest John, of course, was reluctant.

"A tail is the symbol of a furry!" he said. "You can't just eat it!"

In the end, Keith held Honest John down and Lao Che cut off his tail. It was split evenly, but Honest John refused to eat it, and so the evil coachman got his piece.

On the fifth day, Honest John was just deciding who to assassinate for their next meal when the Trickster appeared. Everyone looked up in anticipation.

"Congratulations!" he said. "You have survived 14 days out here! I think you're entitled for a little dessert."

The Trickster snapped his fingers, and a chocolate river appeared.

"Only one can reach the chocolate river," he said. "The others will be blocked off by an invisible energy barrier."

Immediately everyone raced toward the chocolate river. Honest John would have got there first, but his balance was off ever since losing his tail, and he fell over.

Lao Che reached the chocolate river first and began drinking it. Keith dived toward the chocolate river at the same time, but Lao Che was a few seconds ahead of him, and as if hitting an invisible wall, Keith fell backwards and his sunglasses broke. Keith smashed them on the ground in frustration.

As Lao Che lapped up the chocolate like a dog, the Trickster snapped his fingers. A chocolate monster appeared from the river and pulled Lao Che into the river.

"I never said the first to reach it would get the dessert," said the Trickster. "It turns out the first one to reach it will BE the dessert."

Lao Che was sucked into a pipe, which shot him upward into a room above. The Trickster disappeared along with the chocolate river. Five minutes later, he reappeared with plates of chocolate fudge.

"Lao Che has been turned into strawberry-flavored chocolate-coated fudge!" the Trickster announced proudly. "Enjoy."

He disappeared. Honest John, Niska, the evil coachman, Keith, and Tiger Lucy began eating as much fudge as they could.

By nighttime, they were all full. This time next night, Day 15, they were hungry again.

* * *

><p>The Trickster, meanwhile, stood in an empty room.<p>

"If someone is watching this from another dimension, in particular the one in which people recognize these characters from movies, they might be wondering why Hannibal Lecter and Desmond Tiny, from the Hannibal series and The Vampire's Assistant, aren't on here. Well, Hannibal had to cut off his hand with a meat cleaver to escape, and the future of The Vampire's Assistant is uncertain and may be answered in a sequel."


	5. Bandit Keith vs Tiger Lucy

**Karma Houdini Begone**

**Chapter 5: Bandit Keith vs. Tiger Lucy**

Two days later, it was Day 17. Everyone was starving. Niska was howling like a wolf. The evil coachman kept trying to take bites out of Honest John, having enjoyed the taste of fox tail. Honest John would always sock him in the face.

One night, Bandit Keith quietly snuck out. He turned the oven on to 350 degrees Fahrenheit, and picked up Tiger Lucy's cat. The cat hissed and yowled. Tiger Lucy woke up. She threw a harpoon. It speared Keith in the arm.

"They'd never show this on Yu-Gi-Oh!" said the Trickster.

The cat ran over to Tiger Lucy, who merged with the cat using Cyber Link's DNA Merger Sequence. Keith grabbed a machete.

"I'll kill you nine times if I have to!" said Keith. "You'll make an awesome meal and you're not eating me tonight!"

Keith swung his machete at Tiger Lucy, who tried to scratch him. They fought for a while as Honest John, Niska, and the evil coachman stood by and watched.

Finally, Keith swung his machete and cut Tiger Lucy's arm. Tiger Lucy kicked Keith in the chest, knocking him to the ground. Tiger Lucy advanced on him.

The next second, a gunshot could be heard, and Tiger Lucy staggered back. Her tail fell to the ground, with Honest John aiming a shotgun at her.

Tiger Lucy turned toward Honest John and hissed. Deciding to eat him instead of Keith, she ran toward him, but lost her balance and fell flat on her face.

The Trickster appeared and made a throwing motion toward Keith. The next second, something hit him in the head.

"Ow!" said Keith. "Is this your idea of a trick?"

"It's an invisible gun," said the Trickster. "Do you remember that time you threatened Pegasus? When you were pointing at him?"

Keith couldn't forget that moment. It was when Keith was exposed for cheating during a duel against Joey Wheeler. Pegasus had ejected him off the island, and then he had been possessed by Marik with the Millennium Rod.

"Well, let's just say there's an alternate universe where everyone speaks Japanese," said the Trickster. "In that version, you were threatening to kill Pegasus by shooting him. Both are a TV show in another universe, and this has led to jokes about Invisible Guns.

Keith felt on the ground for an invisible gun, and found it. He found the trigger, aimed his gun at Tiger Lucy's head as she stood up, and pulled the trigger. Tiger Lucy froze for a few seconds, and then collapsed to the ground, dead.

Honest John, the evil coachman, Niska, and Keith had a big feast that night.


	6. Final Four

**Karma Houdini Begone**

**Chapter 6: Final Four**

Four days later, on Day 21, they were considering another victim. All eyes were on the evil coachman, since he was the biggest.

"What are you looking at me for?" said the evil coachman. "Bandit Keith is a threat. We should get rid of him."

"Why don't you use your magic powers to conjure up some food or get us off this island?" said Niska.

"Because I don't have any of my spellbooks," said the coachman.

The Trickster appeared. "You've survived for three weeks, and this time you get a free reward.

The Trickster snapped his fingers, and all of the coachman's shadowy henchmen, and Niska's remaining thugs, appeared.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" said Niska and the coachman. But the Trickster snapped his fingers and a fat pink monster appeared.

"Buu!" said the monster.

"I can create illusions of anything or anyone," said the Trickster. "This is a Majin Buu I created. But the henchmen, they are the real deal."

"Turn into candy!" said Buu, and he shot an energy beam from his antenna at the henchmen. Each of them was turned into a sucker, lollipop, mint, or other kind of candy.

"You killed all my henchmen!" said the evil coachman angrily.

"You can obtain more if you survive," said the Trickster. He snapped his fingers and vanished along with Buu.

Honest John, the coachman, Niska, and Bandit Keith ate the candy.


	7. Game Over

**Karma Houdini Begone**

**Chapter 7: Game Over**

Three days later, everyone was getting skinny. The evil coachman had lost quite a lot of weight.

Honest John knew that if they were going to get a good meal off the coachman, they'd have to kill him soon before he got too skinny.

That night, Honest John tapped Niska and Keith, waking them up. They huddled around and he whispered into each others' ears.

They crept over to the coachman, who was sleeping. All three of them raised machine guns and pumped the coachman full of lead. Niska grabbed a machete and chopped him up. Some of him was roasted in a frying pan, some of him was placed in the oven. The Trickster had provided them with some spices after the candy reward.

Their meal kept them full for the night, but next day they were hungry again.

Three days later, on Day 27, Bandit Keith was driven delirious by hunger. While drinking some seawater, he sat on the edge of the island with his feet in the water, forgetting exactly what was in there.

A piranha jumped up and bit his big toe off. Keith ran around screaming bloody murder. Honest John and Niska looked up. Keith's foot was bleeding, and he ran around until he began to feel faint, and collapsed to the ground.

Niska walked over to Keith. Keith was shaking uncontrollably. He spit in Niska's face and pulled out a switchblade. He cut Niska's arm. Niska punched Keith in the face, knocking out a few of his teeth.

Honest John could tell Niska could grab a gun and kill Keith at any time. However, he seemed content to let Keith die of blood loss. At that point, it dawned on Honest John that perhaps the sole survivor would be allowed to return.

Honest John grabbed a pistol, aimed it at Niska, and fired. Niska flopped to the ground like a fish, and Honest John shot Keith in the head afterward.

He waited for the Trickster to show. Nothing. So that night, he cooked Keith, the bloodier of the two corpses, above a spit fire and ate him. The next night, he roasted Niska in the oven and ate him.

The next morning, the Trickster appeared before Honest John.

"Congratulations, Honest John!" said the Trickster. "You are the last man standing. Here is your reward."

The Trickster-created Majin Buu appeared. Honest John began to drool at the thought of more candy.

"Turn into candy!" Buu shot a candy beam at Honest John, whose body began to stiffen, and in a puff of smoke, he became an orange-flavored candy.

The Trickster was all about just desserts. He also had a sweet tooth. He picked up the candy and ate it. He snapped his fingers and the Buu illusion vanished.

What an entertaining show. And since he was the Trickster, he could set it all in a dimension that took up no time in any other dimensions, not even his own.

But now it was time to return to his dimension. For he had just sent a man who didn't believe in wormholes into one, and knew that two brothers who had tried to kill him once before would be looking to solve the mystery of his disappearance.

**THE END**

* * *

><p>AN: The Trickster appears in a live action TV series called Supernatural. And incase you were wondering, Majin Buu is from Dragonball Z. The Trickster was the perfect character to viciously punish karma houdinis and eat the last one after being turned into candy, what with the whole "just desserts" and "sweet tooth" thing, besides there's an episode where he puts Sam and Dean inside TV shows.<p> 


End file.
